Leary of You

If there is one thing that gets my goat, its the gay marriage thing. Perhaps its because I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for over 5 years now…I feel like they are talking about Scott and I. I hate it. I get so angry about it.

First of all: It is a political distraction! I think the religious jihad against our nation is more of a threat to Americans than gay couples wanting to celebrate their relationship in front of their family and friends. Everytime the Right Wing gets painted into a corner, they set off an abortion flash pot or gay marriage flare to get the nation in a tizzie while they scramble to shred evidence and regather their forces.

Why is America not asking the Right the “right” questions? Like, did we really go to war on false pretenses and did the Bush Administration retaliate against innocent people who verbally opposed them? Is that moral fiber?

or how about: Why are we spending more money on Iraqi people than our own? Shouldn’t we be “rebuilding” the Golf Coast and not Iraq? Or is there more oil for Bush and Cheney and their cronies to make more money in Iraq?

And while we are talking about oil: Let’s for a moment question while all of the oil companies reported THE BIGGEST PROFIT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. (I’m not kidding, this is true. The biggest profits EVER recorded by a company in the history of the world!) I thought oil was in short supply because of the hurricanes and we all needed to “tighten our belts” in regards to energy consumption. I thought the scarce supply of oil was the reason for the high gas prices… Apparently not because the oil companies made the LARGEST PROFIT off of us in the history of THIS PLANET.

All of this is going on, yet “gay marriage” is going to send our moral majority into a vortex of despair.

Gay marriage will never pass as long as the word “marriage” is attached to it. Marriage is a religious term. It is a blessed sacrament of the church, and should be! Why am certain people getting legal protection and tax breaks after they get receive a religious blessing? I did not get a tax rebate when I was confirmed in the Catholic church! Let the churches decide who they will marry and who they won’t.

All couples should apply for a marriage license from a religious organization and for a civil union from the state. All couples. Make it separate. Let the churches discriminate against whomever they choose. Like I want to get married in front of a group of people who hate me. Allow civil unions for any couple that fits the standard “domestic partnership” guidelines. Let that be the legal document. The marriage license can be the “spiritual” contract.

Sanctity of marriage, my foot. I have 2 words: Elizabeth Taylor. And 2 more: Britney Spears. And 2 more: Kenny Chesney.

First of all, I want to send a shout out to my friend Jim (www.onegayatatime.com) who is in Houston, TX telling his story at a gi-normous gratitude meeting. I am grateful that it’s not me.

I have completed two deserts this afternoon. The first was a monster. (Thanks, Martha.) It is rice pudding with candied butternut squash and toasted walnuts. I’ve never baked anything in Ramekins before, let alone Ramekins in a roasting pan half filled with boiling water. How high maintenance can you get? Second was a repeat from last year: The Great Pumpkin Bundt Cake from Williams Sonoma. And yes, it deserves those capital letters. My heritage turkey is in the shed soaking in brine and I am sitting at my new granite topped bar in my new kitchen eating sliced pineapple with chopsticks. I am spectacularly gay right now. I need a tiara.

I was a Chipotle the other day and at the soft drink dispenser I noticed the not-so-fine print on the Minute Maid Lemonaide: “Contains 0% Juice”. I think thats terrifying. So it’s basically just sugar, water and chemicals. When did this happen? My Diet Coke with a wedge of lime actually has more fruit juice in it than Minute Maid Lemonaide. Someone should do something.

So I totally bailed on the Bemidji trip. The weather up there was worse than down here. My appointment called me and asked me if I was SURE I wantyed to meet with them today. I caved. “No, how about tomorrow?”

So I puttered around my (newly remodelled) home. I tried to make a Martha Stewart recipe for “Rocky Ledge Bars.” We have a one-sided, love-hate relationship, Martha and I. Today, I hate her. Half-way into the thing she says I need parchment paper. Who the hell keeps parchment paper handy for cooking? Catherine de Medici and Martha. Needless to say, I skipped the parchment and paid the price. My rocky ledge was not rocky and it had no ledge. It was dry on the rim and gooey in the middle. I did eat a spoon full of chocolately goop before I pitched it over the Stainless Ledge of my kitchen garbage.

Next up on the “recipes I can’t handle” cooking list: Ginger Cheesecake Bars. That should be disasterous and time consuming.

I have too much alone time, can you tell? My day job asa a recruiter for the Nielsen Ratings is totally awesome and I love it…I home office, I work in my underwear…and I spend most of my time driving and listening to public radio or my iPod…but I’m always alone. I spend WAY too much time roaming around my scary brain. Today’s worry: avian flu. Why do people insist on living amongst their livestock? I know its money. It all comes down to money. I got a flu shot this year. Because I am easily manipulated. We are a society that can land on the moon with calculations made on computers the size of the small town that I live in, but we can’t make avian flu vaccinations for humans.

I do believe in natural selection. A few stupid people walking around on thin ice each winter…fine…bu-bye…But these huge epidemics I just can’t handle it. It makes me crazy. I want to just unplug everything and not know what’s coming. But I am addicted to it now. I HAVE to know the latest thing that can kill me.

I am surprised that you are reading this.

I am even more surprised that people actually post comments. It’s like opening your diary and finding stick-em notes on your earlier entries from people who don’t even live in the same time-zone as you. Technology is way cool. And we are way bored.

It’s snowing out. I love the first snow. It makes me feel very optimistic for some reason. Although I now have to dig out the scraper and some gloves.

I am driving to Bemidji tomorrow to meet with a home for the Nielsen Ratings. I will spend 10 hours in the car total for a 45 minute meeting. Seems like such a waste…but that’s why they pay me the big bucks. I have a book on tape to listen to: City of Falling Angels by John Berendt. He wrote “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” which I loved…so it should keep me occupied on the long drive tomorrow.

Okay. I am going to do this. I am going to Blog. Look at me Blogging.

To Blog or not To Blog.

I have tried at various points in my life to keep a diary or journal. I am not very consistent at it. But one thing IS certain: I have always written in them with the idea that they one day would be edited and published. I have always had the delusion of diary grandeur.

I am laying in bed. (Or lying? Am I laying or lying?) Scott is next to me taking an elaborate personality and intelligence test for work. The company he works for is going to start making potential new hires take these ridiculous tests. And since he is the director of training..he has to blaze the trail, so to speak. He keeps muttering things like “Frog os to Dinosaur, like Whale is to blank…”

I just climbed out of a too-hot bath scented with Chamomile and Marigold. I am transcending gayness. I am broadcasting on a whole new freqency of queer.

While relaxing in the bath, I was reading the latest “Vanity Fair”. Kate Moss is on the cover looking fabulously sorry for doing cocaine in front of the paparazzi. I was reading an article about those damn “Left Behind” books and the Evangelicals. (side note: good drag name would be Linda Evangelical). They are actually giving “Left Behind” tours of Jerusalem! “And on your left is where the Lord and Savior, King of Kings, will come down from heaven and slay all of the non-believers with a word. Who needs a potty break?”

I have a couple of problems with these freaky-ass Evangies. First of all, the bumper stickers: “In Case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned”. Um, okay. Thanks for the update. By the way…doesn’t God want us to be humble? Why are these people tossing humility out the window and bragging about how Goddamn good they are? Is God really going to “beam up” a bunch of close-minded, egocentric braggards into his shiny city of light? I seriously doubt it.

Second of all: Why are there so many books in the Left Behind series about life on Earth AFTER “The Rapture?” These people are obsessed with watching the rest of us suffer and die at the hands of a judgemental God. A God that efficiently kills the rest of us by speaking a word and watching us literally explode into a river of blood! That is so evil! It is terrifying to me that these holy-rollers are counting the seconds to this massacre. This is not science fiction. This is really happening. People actually believe that the events in the “Left Behind” books will unfold by rote.

C’mon, people…Evolve!

Every article I read about the Religious Right moves me a couple of kilometers closer to expatriating to Canada. I’m fundamentally lazy, though…it would be so tedious living “under the radar”. I can’t keep my mouth shut. I would have us exposed within 2 weeks to the Canadian authorities. Where else could we go? What are our options? I don’t speak anything except English. I don’t want to go to England because they make you put your cats in some sort of rabies holding tank for 6 months. That’s just too cruel. I wonder if Ireland does that? But I’d have to start drinking again if we moved to Ireland. It’s just a given for living on the emerald isle, I think…

Is that it? Those are our only English speaking exile options? That’s depressing.