Leary of You

The Blog at www.joeleary.net has been updated.

Okay, the ads on the church marquees have got to go.

GOOD - GOD = Zero

No it doesn’t, it equals the letter “o”. And there is no good reason to be making a math problem out of the word “Good’. This is something I actually saw on a church marquee.

JESUS + SMARMY ADVERTISING = Bad Idea

Here are some others:

EXERCISE DAILY - Walk with the Lord!

Will the Lord also spot me if I want to do some bench presses? Can Jesus help me determine my body fat ratio? How about spinning? I’d like to get on a stationary bike and have Jesus scream at me for 40 minutes to get me motivated.

GET DA FACTS ON DA VINCI

This was on a Methodist Church. What do they care? The DaVinci Code was a FICTIONAL BOOK that riffed on themes from Catholicism. Let me say it again: FICTION. The book is FICTION. Have we all lost our minds? There is no Robert Langdon, either! It’s ALL FICTION. These evangelicals need to just RELAX.

And now they are all sweatin’ in their boots about tomorrow’s date: 6/6/06. The rapture index is on high alert! (I’m serious.) “The evangelical Raptureready.com Web site puts its “rapture index” at 156, calling that “fasten your seatbelts” time.”

Yes…at raptureready.com you can get a score card to see how close the rapture might be. Sort of like a weather-report for the 2nd coming of Jesus.

I read this in the Star Tribune on Sunday:

“The possibilities of bad things happening on this day are endless,” said Linda Bickford, an evangelical Christian in Berthoud, Colo. “The day doesn’t have any special power, but I think people who are involved in witchcraft … may use the day to perpetuate all kinds of mischief. They may seek supernatural help to do it.”
Mischief? Witchcraft? What the bleeding hell is she talking about?

I spend a lot of time in my car. I drive all around the state to recruit new Nielsen TV Rating homes.

I am exposed to an inordinate amount of roadkill and it’s starting to really upset me. Butcher bill from Wed, 5/31:

Racoons - 5
Deer - 3
Cats - 2
Unknown - 1

Butcher bill from Thursday, 6/1:

Racoons - 2
Squirrels - 4
Beaver - 1
Deer - 1
Turkey - 1
Unknown - 6

That’s a lot of death for a car ride. Earlier in the month I was driving home and I went past a turtle trying to get across the road. I stopped, got out of the car, and helped him complete the journey.

Later in the day I passed another turtle doing the same thing. I stopped, got out of the car, and watched as a truck ran over the turtle. It popped and exploded. It was awful.