Leary of You

Okay, what are the odds of this?

I am currently sitting at a Starbucks in Milwaukee, WI. (They’re not easy to find over here in blue collarsville.)

I have some time to kill, so I’m just sitting here, re-charging my laptop and I notice this guy outside. Total Milwaukee workin’ man sort of guy. Not my demographic at all. He’s walking back and forth and looking at me like he’s not sure its me. Whoever I am.

He comes into Starbucks. And he walks around the store. And then he comes over to me and gestures for me to take off my headphones.

Oh, Jesus. What the hell is he going to ask me? Am I parked in his spot? Am I in his seat? Is he going to beat me up?

“Are you the Kiss FM fugitive?”

“What?”

“Are you the Kiss 95 fugitive? He’s supposed to be here, you know…and I’m supposed to ask it like that…right?”

“No. I’m sorry. I am not the Kiss 95 fugitive.”

The irony is, I have been asked this before. In a different state altogether. For a different radio station with totally different clues. Seriously…what are the odds of that?

2 years ago, when we were planning our remodel, I was at the “kitchen” place working with our new designer…picking out appliances and finishes and stuff. Our relationship was still “new”. The designer and me. Not Scott and me.

Her name is Serena. And she is a totally hot lipstick lesbian. I was visiting her to “sign off” on the cabinetry design…”sign here, initial here..” and she stops…tilts her head, and looks at me kinda funny.

“Are you the KDWB fugitive?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you the KDWB fugitive? You are supposed to have $10,000 cash in your trunk.”

“I am? No. I don’t think so. Would I know if I am the fugitive?”

“Shoot! Yes, you’d know. Never mind.”

Apparently the fugitive was supposed to be an actor in town in a convertible (at the time I had an orange convertible Beetle)…blah blah blah, he was supposed to friends with Josh Hartnett (which I am not)… And now here I am in a coffee shop in my least favorite town in the upper midwest, and I am still NOT the guy with $10,000 in my trunk.

Seriously….what are the odds? I am going go buy a lottery ticket.

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