Leary of You

I think its so strange that the pope has to pick a new name when he becomes pope.

I just got my first "official" contract as an Actor’s Equity member and I needed to very that my name was still available: Joe Leary. It was. And it got me thinking about the pope and his magic name change. Doesn’t it seem just a little theatrical? I can’t say that I’m against it. In fact, I wish that it was more common place. What if the president had to do that? And George W Bush had to pick a one-word name to symbolize his presidency?

Dumbo XXI

Shamu IV

So…I’m finally getting my equity card. The show is "Farm boys" at the History Theatre in St Paul. I half-wish my first "professional" gig didn’t sound like gay soft-porn. But, life is funny that way. Speaking of…do porn actors have a union? If so, what is it called?

LUBE: League Union of Bawdy Entertainers

The CLAPP: Collective League of Adult Porn Performers

OrGaSM: Organization of Gay Sex Megastars

I had a dream last week that Dolly Parton called me to say "Happy Thanksgiving" and that she had seen the photos of our house remodel project and she thought they were just beautiful. "That’s what Thanksgiving is for: gathering together with those you love in a beautiful home. That’s what its all about." I told her thank you and that I was stunned that she called me. I asked her how she got my cell phone number. And she said "That’s what she does sometimes. Call her fans and wish them well."

(from an article by Louis E. Catron, California Educational News, 1995)

23 SKILLS & TRAITS DEVELOPED IN STUDENTS WHO COMPLETE A 4-YEAR THEATRE DEGREE:

1. Oral communication skills
2. Creative problem-solving abilities.
3. Self-motivation.
4. Willingness to work cooperatively.
5. Abilty to work independently.
6. Time-budgeting skills.
7. Personal initiative.
8. Promptness & respect for deadlines.
9. Acceptance of rules.
10. The ability to learn quickly.
11. Respect for colleagues.
12. Respect for authority.
13. Adaptability and flexibilty.
14. Ability to work under pressure.
15. Healthy self-image.
16. Acceptance of disappointment.
17. Self-discipline.
18. A goal-oriented approach to work.
19. Concentration.
20. Dedication and commitment.
21. A willingness to accept responsibilty.
22. Leadership skills.
23. Self-confidence.

14 QUALITIES IN THEATRE MAJORS VALUED BY BUSINESS EXECUTIVES:

1. Self-disipline.
2. Loyalty & Dependability.
3. Leadership skills and experience.
4. Energy & Enthusiasm.
5. Ability to work under pressure.
6. Polished communication skills.
7. Team-work skills and experience.
8. Self-confidence.
9. Experience meeting challenges.
10. Experience learning complicated, hands-on tasks.
11. Imagination and creativity.
12. Problem solving skills.
13. Reasoning and sound judgement.
14. Ability to work on intellectual and physical problems.

December 2005 Membership Recruiter of the Month
Joseph Leary

The December ‘05 NSI “Membership Recruiter of the Month” for outstanding performance and achievement is awarded to Joseph Leary of the Minneapolis Metered Market.

During the month of December, typically a month fraught with distraction, Joe achieved the out-of-this-world feat of averaging 1.1 signs A DAY! His sign average topped off at 5.3 with a total of 16 quality signs and a Backout rate of 0%. Joe’s Basic Rate for all HHs signed during the month was a perfect 100% and to top it all off, he achieved a 100% Initial Basic Rate as well; “Max Q” level performance for NSI Membership Field Operations. Joe demonstrated keen focus in making 8 of his 16 signs “Outage” or FTO basics, proving once again that install counts can be directly affected by the recruitment of Basic households!

Joseph’s commitment to personal excellence is matched by his desire to help wherever he is needed. In the month of December Joe also SWAT’d in the Milwaukee market, utilizing his considerable persuasive talents in turning multiple refusal BRICs into happy, cooperating Nielsen homes! He even was able to turn around a “4-time” refusal!

Joe prides himself on quality signs and strong communications skills that allow for solid installs. This contributes heavily to his market’s performance. In fact of the 19 households to go QFM in Minneapolis in the month of December, 12 were signed by Joe. Performance like that leads directly to Minneapolis’ Basic Coop Rate leaping from 29.3 to 31.3 (+2.0 points), a 7 % hike for the month and his assistance in Milwaukee helped push the SPI from 33.3 to 34.5 (+1.2 points) over the course of the month, a 4% increase!

Overall, Joe thanks for a December to remember!

This was one of my resolutions. To blog more. I’ve been too busy with the other 6 resolutions to tend to this one.

What were the other resolutions? I gave up aspartame. I’m not sure why. It just seemed sinister. Splenda is my new friend. It’s rare to find soda’s with Splenda in most places…so I mostly have to drink tap water. Which is probably worse for you. Fluorinated tap water. That alarms me too. The government adds Fluoride to our water to help our teeth. Aren’t I getting enough fluoride in my toothpaste? At least there I am targeting the body part that NEEDS the fluoride. Drinking it means I am giving my whole body a “cavity preventative bath”. But, I digress…Have I noticed any changes since I cleansed my system of Equal? Am I tuned to a higher frequency of health? Have I unlocked a secret door to a 6th sense? Nope. Nothing. Not even a headache from withdrawal. Oh, well. Someday it will come out that asparatme causes babies with flippers for arms. Just not this week.

I’m in San Diego until Feb 3 for my day job at Nielsen. I’m staying at a Holiday Inn Select. My room is on the 10th floor. In the elevator there is a special plaque that says “access to 10th floor by key card only”. But its not true. I have yet to need the card to make the button light up. I have only been here 2 days and I have already been asked about my “special floor” twice by jealous lower floor patrons. I was holding work stuff in my hands and I asked a woman to hit #10 for me and she hesitated and said, “Oh…You need a key.” And then I had to break the secret to her that you didn’t need a key.

Another time I just hit the button and the person in the elevator looked at my floor choice, and then looked at me dreamily and asked what the 10th floor was like.

The 10th floor at the tony Holiday Inn Select is just like the other floors here: sub-standard rooms off a 70’s green hallway. Although I did see the 3rd floor this morning by accident…and the room numbers are printed on paper and taped to the doors! So maybe I am livin’ large up here on the 10th.

San Diego is nice. The weather is perfect. The people are odd. Like scratch and dent Los Angelians. There is something just a little off in everyone…but maybe thats just the Nielsen homes I have to sign. Maybe the young and fabulous of San Diego aren’t on our call list.

I heard a radio ad for permanent make-up today that cracked me up. “Stop wasting your time drawing and re-drawing your eyebrows! Wake up with your make-up!”

Imagine the things I could accomplish if I didn’t have to draw and redraw my eyebrows everyday. I could have won an Ivey Award by now!!!

I wanna try something interactive. Just in time for the holidays! Now, santa doesn’t count…tell me the best lies that your parents (or family) ever told you…

1. Conditioner

When asked what conditioner was for my mother told me, “It removes all of the Shampoo from your hair.”
I believed this until my junior year of college.

2. The Moon

Coming home from a dinner at my aunt and uncle’s home in Grand Haven, MI…I was staring out at the full moon. My mother turned around and said “Don’t stare at the moon! You’ll go crazy!”
I still am trying to disprove this one.

3. Pain

Dreading the sting of mecurochrome drops on a scraped knee at age 6, my dad said, “When your an adult, you’ll walk into a bar, slam your fist down on the table and say to the bar-keep: ‘GIMME SOME PAIN!’ ”
I have yet to do this.

I noticed something the other day watching the credits for some movie I was watching. When actors get cast as “featured extras” or “essentials” or “under 5’s” or whatever in a film…the character name they get in the credits sounds like a Native American moniker:

“Refugee Climbing Fence”
“Fleeing Pedestrian”
“Yelling German Tourist”

And it made me laugh. I have a friend who is Native American, and sober, and we both wanted to know what you are called at a treatment center for alcohol if you have a Native American name like that. When you are in treatment, they don’t use your last name:

“Joe L.”
or
“Jim G.”

Would that make your Native American sober name:

“Dances with W.”
or
“Stands with an F.”

Just something to ponder, I guess.

October 2005 Membership Recruiter of the Month
Joseph Leary

The October ‘05 NSI “Membership Recruiter of the Month” for outstanding performance and achievement is awarded to Joseph Leary of the Minneapolis Metered Market.
During the month of October, Joseph achieved a staggering sign average of 4.3 with a total of 19 quality signs and a Backout rate of 0%. Joe’s Basic Rate for all HHs signed during the month was an perfect 100% and he signed 2 out of the 3 initial basics he received for a solid 67% Initial Basic Rate; “Max Q” level performance for NSI Membership Field Operations. Joseph’s strong contributions to the Minneapolis market were also evident in the recruitment of ‘Outage’ basics. He signed 11 of 19 as his focus remained squarely on the market’s continued improvement heading into the Fall Season; proving install focus can be achieved through the recruitment of Basic HHs!
Joe’s performance in October contributed to Minneapolis’ Sample Performance Indicator measure growing from 20.2 to 21.2 (+1.0) an almost 5% jump and by improving the market’s Basic Coop Rate from 27.2 to 28.1 (+0.9 points), an almost 3 ½ % hike for the month.
Joseph’s dynamic presence and self confidence allow him to put up such impressive numbers but it is his attention to detail that really sets him apart. His thoroughness with the HHs and his conscientiousness with the Field Reps make for a winning combination come install time. On top of all that Joe’s ability to maintain open lines of communication with the Field Office and to nurture that all important relationship will set the cornerstone for rock solid market performance.
In April of 2002 Joe began his Nielsen career as a part-time Scheduler. Joe then decided to put his performance chops to the test and decided to hit the pavement as a part-time interviewer in June of 2004. From that date till the present Joe has demonstrated the ability to be a star at Nielsen, consistently ranking in the top ten nationally in total HHs signed. When the opportunity came up for the Minneapolis market to add a TFMR, Joe jumped at the chance to put his considerable talents to full time use.
Please join me in congratulating Joe for a terrific month of performance, deserving of this recognition.

If there is one thing that gets my goat, its the gay marriage thing. Perhaps its because I’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for over 5 years now…I feel like they are talking about Scott and I. I hate it. I get so angry about it.

First of all: It is a political distraction! I think the religious jihad against our nation is more of a threat to Americans than gay couples wanting to celebrate their relationship in front of their family and friends. Everytime the Right Wing gets painted into a corner, they set off an abortion flash pot or gay marriage flare to get the nation in a tizzie while they scramble to shred evidence and regather their forces.

Why is America not asking the Right the “right” questions? Like, did we really go to war on false pretenses and did the Bush Administration retaliate against innocent people who verbally opposed them? Is that moral fiber?

or how about: Why are we spending more money on Iraqi people than our own? Shouldn’t we be “rebuilding” the Golf Coast and not Iraq? Or is there more oil for Bush and Cheney and their cronies to make more money in Iraq?

And while we are talking about oil: Let’s for a moment question while all of the oil companies reported THE BIGGEST PROFIT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. (I’m not kidding, this is true. The biggest profits EVER recorded by a company in the history of the world!) I thought oil was in short supply because of the hurricanes and we all needed to “tighten our belts” in regards to energy consumption. I thought the scarce supply of oil was the reason for the high gas prices… Apparently not because the oil companies made the LARGEST PROFIT off of us in the history of THIS PLANET.

All of this is going on, yet “gay marriage” is going to send our moral majority into a vortex of despair.

Gay marriage will never pass as long as the word “marriage” is attached to it. Marriage is a religious term. It is a blessed sacrament of the church, and should be! Why am certain people getting legal protection and tax breaks after they get receive a religious blessing? I did not get a tax rebate when I was confirmed in the Catholic church! Let the churches decide who they will marry and who they won’t.

All couples should apply for a marriage license from a religious organization and for a civil union from the state. All couples. Make it separate. Let the churches discriminate against whomever they choose. Like I want to get married in front of a group of people who hate me. Allow civil unions for any couple that fits the standard “domestic partnership” guidelines. Let that be the legal document. The marriage license can be the “spiritual” contract.

Sanctity of marriage, my foot. I have 2 words: Elizabeth Taylor. And 2 more: Britney Spears. And 2 more: Kenny Chesney.

First of all, I want to send a shout out to my friend Jim (www.onegayatatime.com) who is in Houston, TX telling his story at a gi-normous gratitude meeting. I am grateful that it’s not me.

I have completed two deserts this afternoon. The first was a monster. (Thanks, Martha.) It is rice pudding with candied butternut squash and toasted walnuts. I’ve never baked anything in Ramekins before, let alone Ramekins in a roasting pan half filled with boiling water. How high maintenance can you get? Second was a repeat from last year: The Great Pumpkin Bundt Cake from Williams Sonoma. And yes, it deserves those capital letters. My heritage turkey is in the shed soaking in brine and I am sitting at my new granite topped bar in my new kitchen eating sliced pineapple with chopsticks. I am spectacularly gay right now. I need a tiara.

I was a Chipotle the other day and at the soft drink dispenser I noticed the not-so-fine print on the Minute Maid Lemonaide: “Contains 0% Juice”. I think thats terrifying. So it’s basically just sugar, water and chemicals. When did this happen? My Diet Coke with a wedge of lime actually has more fruit juice in it than Minute Maid Lemonaide. Someone should do something.

So I totally bailed on the Bemidji trip. The weather up there was worse than down here. My appointment called me and asked me if I was SURE I wantyed to meet with them today. I caved. “No, how about tomorrow?”

So I puttered around my (newly remodelled) home. I tried to make a Martha Stewart recipe for “Rocky Ledge Bars.” We have a one-sided, love-hate relationship, Martha and I. Today, I hate her. Half-way into the thing she says I need parchment paper. Who the hell keeps parchment paper handy for cooking? Catherine de Medici and Martha. Needless to say, I skipped the parchment and paid the price. My rocky ledge was not rocky and it had no ledge. It was dry on the rim and gooey in the middle. I did eat a spoon full of chocolately goop before I pitched it over the Stainless Ledge of my kitchen garbage.

Next up on the “recipes I can’t handle” cooking list: Ginger Cheesecake Bars. That should be disasterous and time consuming.

I have too much alone time, can you tell? My day job asa a recruiter for the Nielsen Ratings is totally awesome and I love it…I home office, I work in my underwear…and I spend most of my time driving and listening to public radio or my iPod…but I’m always alone. I spend WAY too much time roaming around my scary brain. Today’s worry: avian flu. Why do people insist on living amongst their livestock? I know its money. It all comes down to money. I got a flu shot this year. Because I am easily manipulated. We are a society that can land on the moon with calculations made on computers the size of the small town that I live in, but we can’t make avian flu vaccinations for humans.

I do believe in natural selection. A few stupid people walking around on thin ice each winter…fine…bu-bye…But these huge epidemics I just can’t handle it. It makes me crazy. I want to just unplug everything and not know what’s coming. But I am addicted to it now. I HAVE to know the latest thing that can kill me.

I am surprised that you are reading this.

I am even more surprised that people actually post comments. It’s like opening your diary and finding stick-em notes on your earlier entries from people who don’t even live in the same time-zone as you. Technology is way cool. And we are way bored.